Dear Santa,
There is just one wish upon my list this year,
That you will take the time to call on someone I hold dear.
My precious child was deemed to be too beautiful to keep,
And so it's in God's nursery she spends this night asleep.
That you will take the time to call on someone I hold dear.
My precious child was deemed to be too beautiful to keep,
And so it's in God's nursery she spends this night asleep.
And though its many miles away, on such a busy night,
Please find the time to call on her among the stars so bright.
Oh Santa, stroke her sleeping face, and softly kiss her head,
Then leave a little stocking hanging there upon her bed.
And whisper that the gifts in it were sent by us with love,
Until we walk the golden path that leads to Heaven above.
And when she wakes and sees that she has been visited by you,
She will know that it is Christmas day for little ones in Heaven too.
Please find the time to call on her among the stars so bright.
Oh Santa, stroke her sleeping face, and softly kiss her head,
Then leave a little stocking hanging there upon her bed.
And whisper that the gifts in it were sent by us with love,
Until we walk the golden path that leads to Heaven above.
And when she wakes and sees that she has been visited by you,
She will know that it is Christmas day for little ones in Heaven too.
Merry Christmas, Arabella Grace.
We love you & miss you every day.
"You are so strong."
"Your strength amazes me."
"I don't know how you have the strength...."
I've heard these comments a lot in the past 5 months. I know that people mean well when they say it. I just often don't know how to respond. Most of the time I say an awkward semblance of a thank you, and then change the subject.
I don't feel strong. I feel broken. Incomplete. Shattered. Most of the time I think that if they had seen me earlier that morning, or just a moment ago when I was alone in my car...they probably wouldn't say those words to me.
In the past, I might have smiled at comments like this. I might have felt proud of myself, or victorious in some way. But there is something about having your entire life shatter around you....there is something about hitting complete & utter rock bottom that shreds every single possible thread of ego you might have once had. Now I just realize how completely & utterly untrue those words are.
I am not strong. I am weak. If all of this had been left to me...I would have curled up into a ball the night that Ellie died and never unwound myself. If it had been left up to me, I would have ceased to live the moment that her heart stopped beating. I say that because alone, this is too much for me.
There is a quote that says we are never given more than we can handle. That, my friends, is total & utter crap. I'm learning that God did not create us to handle this life on our own. God created us to be in commune with Him. To cast our cares and our burdens upon Him. To rip open the death grip we have on our hurt & fear & anger and leave it at the foot of the cross, where we can look upon it and see redemption in it.
Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I'm not where Paul was when he wrote that. I do not delight in this. I wish with every fiber of my being that my story was different. That my baby girl was healthy & sleeping in my arms right now. I can't listen to or sing the hymn "It is Well with My Soul", because well....it's just not.
I am not strong. I am a woman that you see with tears rolling down her cheeks for no apparent reason. It might be at church. Or in a store. Driving my car. Pretty much anywhere can trigger that deep hurt & yearning I feel for my sweet Ellie. But through those tears, I ask God to help me take just one step further. And then another. And another. To help me get through the next second.. minute.... hour... day... whatever I need at that moment.
I am not strong. But when I give Him my weakness, He gives me His power.
I am not strong. I am a woman that you see with tears rolling down her cheeks for no apparent reason. It might be at church. Or in a store. Driving my car. Pretty much anywhere can trigger that deep hurt & yearning I feel for my sweet Ellie. But through those tears, I ask God to help me take just one step further. And then another. And another. To help me get through the next second.. minute.... hour... day... whatever I need at that moment.
I am not strong. But when I give Him my weakness, He gives me His power.
This is my final day of the Lil' Inker Designs December release, and I have one more card to share with you using some of the new items.
I didn't do any stamping on this card, but used some of the new 6x6 papers & one of the new dies. I think it turned out pretty cute!
I grew up in Tucson, Arizona...so I'm pretty fond of the So Prickly papers. I've added a little bit of gold to my card, because I pretty much think that everything needs a touch of gold these days.
Here is the blog hop list so you can see all of the projects today:
LID Blog http://www.shoplilinker.blogspot.com/
Lea Lawson http://www.lealawsoncreates.com/
Heather Hoffman http://housesbuiltofcards.blogspot.com
Lisa Henke http://mylittlecreativeescape.blogspot.com/
Chrissy Larson http://chrissycards.blogspot.com/
Karen Baker http://thebalddragonfly.blogspot.com/
Sarah Jay http://www.criminalgrace.com/
Laura Williams http://lauralooloo.blogspot.com/
Maureen Merritt http://www.mamamostamps.com/
Jennifer Carter http://jensinkspot.blogspot.com/
Amy Kolling http://stamp-n-paradise.blogspot.com/
Link to Store http://lilinkerdesigns.com/
And here is a link list to all the new product to make your shopping easy!
 |  |  |  |
 |  |  |  |
 |  |  |
Thanks for checking out my couple of cards for my first release back.
Until later,
~L.
So, I am participating in 2 of the 3 days of Lil' Inker Designs December release. I'm still fairly slow when it comes to creating right now, and it isn't second nature like it once was....but I will get there. I'm only going to have 1 card per day, and probably will not use all of the new products this time around...but Laura is graciously letting me ease back into this. :)
I alluded to the fact that part of starting up again was making it feel safe. Part of that is finding ways that I think of Ellie while I create. So, for today I created a sympathy card. When we lost Ellie, there were very few moments during a day that I looked forward to. But I did look forward to getting the mail. I treasured each & every single card that was sent, and I looked at them a lot during those first 8 weeks. I don't look at them as often now, but I do still have them. And they will stay with Ellie's box of items forever.
I never realized how important it is to send sympathy cards. And I will never, ever forget to send one from now one. There are some really beautiful items in this release that can be used for them, and here is what I created:
I chose an elegant white, black & gold color palette for my card, & kept it quite simple.
Here is the blog hop list so you can see all of the projects today:
LID Blog http://www.shoplilinker.blogspot.com/
Sarah Jay http://www.criminalgrace.com/
Laura Williams http://lauralooloo.blogspot.com/
Heather Hoffman http://housesbuiltofcards.blogspot.com
Chrissy Larson http://chrissycards.blogspot.com/
Amy Kolling http://stamp-n-paradise.blogspot.com/
Lisa Henke http://mylittlecreativeescape.blogspot.com/
Maureen Merritt http://www.mamamostamps.com/
Karen Baker http://thebalddragonfly.blogspot.com/
Lea Lawson http://www.lealawsoncreates.com/
Jennifer Carter http://jensinkspot.blogspot.com/
Link to Store http://lilinkerdesigns.com/
And here is a link list to all the new product to make your shopping easy!
I will be back tomorrow! Thanks for checking out my card today.
Until later,
~L.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons